


The worst burglar I've ever heard of

by kassio



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Flirting, Burglary, Family Feels, M/M, Poverty, Short One Shot, University Student Louis, University Student Niall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 07:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8048059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kassio/pseuds/kassio
Summary: “Do you live here?” the guy demanded.“Uh, yeah? Unlike you.”“Because I broke in here to rob you…” The guy looked around, shaking his head. “But… shit, dude, you’ve got nothing. Like, you need some help.”Based on this Tumblr post.





	The worst burglar I've ever heard of

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this Tumblr post](http://thestirge.tumblr.com/post/150057241864/so-i-heard-this-story-second-hand-many-years-ago), and @lucystarkid's follow-up comment "Louis as the student, Harry as the burglar." Originally posted on Tumblr [here](http://fakedeepplantjerker.tumblr.com/post/150179971255/lucystarkid-yellawunn-thestirge-so-i). Unbeta'ed and written on my lunch break to try to practice writing short things and one-shots.

Louis was walking home from class when his phone rang. He looked around warily, but he was alone on the dirty, narrow street – no one in sight waiting to snatch his phone or jump him while he was distracted. Still alert, he pulled the phone from his bag and frowned down at the display. He was always happy to hear from his mum, but this was a strange time of day for her to call. **  
**

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Baby, you shouldn’t be sending me money.”

“Mum, of course I should.” He paused for a moment as he dodged around a pile of rubbish. “I’ve only got the one mouth to feed, don’t I? I want to help you and the girls.”

“That’s so lovely of you, Lou, but you know you can help when you’re done with uni and you’ve got more to spare.”

“I can spare some now. I promise. It does help, doesn’t it?”

Jay sighed. “Well. Phoebe’s needed new shoes for ages, and we used your last cheque to get her some…”

“See.” Louis smiled. “Don’t worry about me, Mum. I’ve got a job, and I want to help.”

“But you’re studying enough?” Jay frets. “I don’t want you working so much that you don’t do well in school.”

“It’s fine. Yes, I have enough time for school. I swear.”

“Okay, baby.” She sighed again. “I wish I could come visit you, but I can’t afford to bring us all down, and I don’t know who I’d leave the girls with.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be home for Christmas soon enough.”

 _Thank God_ , Louis thought, _She’d kill me if she came to visit and saw this place_.

The thing was, Louis’ flat was fine. It was totally fine. There was water, heat, and electricity, for a start. The windows didn’t seal very well so it was a bit chilly despite all he spent on electricity, but that was okay. That’s what jumpers and jackets and hats were for.

The more glaring problem, really, was just that there was no furniture.

It wasn’t actually a problem for Louis. There was a wooden crate to sit on, and a weird cylindrical wooden thing that sort of worked as a table, both found on the street. He had a little nest of blankets and pillows in the corner, and a little twin-sized futon mattress that had been beaten down by a series of previous owners. The only thing he had to cook with was a kettle, yes, but all he would be cooking was tea and pot noodles anyway, so what else would he need? And books could just be stacked on the floor. Totally fine.

He didn’t spend much time here anyway. He had classes, he had a library to work in, he had his job, he had friends’ places to hang out at. His flat didn’t need to be nice.

And if he had bought a proper table and chairs, how long would Phoebe have had to wait for those new shoes? Would there be good, nutritious, fresh food on the table at his mum’s house at the end of the month if he’d thrown away his money on a new mattress?

His logic was obviously flawless. He was pretty sure that his mum wouldn’t agree, though.

“Okay, Mum, I’m getting home, I’ve got to go.”

“Can’t you keep chatting for a bit longer?”

Louis winced. The truth was that there were a number of locks and the door was so fussy that he needed two hands to open it. “No, I have a lot I need to get done before I go to work. Sorry.”

“Okay,” Jay sighed. “I love you, sweetie. Call me soon.”

“I will. Love you too, Mum. Bye.”

He walked up the creaky stairs, past the peeling wallpaper, but he stopped abruptly before he reached his door.

It was open.

It felt like his heart had dropped into his stomach. Oh, God, he’d dreaded this day ever since he moved to this shitty neighbourhood. Someone had broken in, probably. Were they still there? Were they violent?

With shaking hands, he texted Niall, _I think there’s someone in my apartment. Would you call me and just stay on the line so u can call 999 if u hear me get murdered._

Niall immediately wrote back, _whattttttt_ , and Louis’ phone started vibrating. He answered the call. “Can you hear me?” Niall asked.

“Yeah,” Louis whispered.

“You shouldn’t even go in there. Just call the police now.”

“Nope,” Louis whispered back.

“I hate you. Please don’t get murdered,” Niall said.

Lowering the phone, but still holding it in his hand, Louis gingerly pushed the door open.

There was a man.

His head immediately whipped around to stare at Louis, and he was – young. Maybe Louis’ age, maybe younger. Louis’ brain immediately started cataloging him: Tall, lanky guy, grey hoody, black ripped jeans, white skin, curly shiny brown hair, light-coloured eyes, full pink lips.

“What the fuck,” Louis exclaimed, which wasn’t very eloquent, but it was a lot better than _oh no, he’s hot_.

“Do you live here?” the guy demanded.

“Uh, yeah? Unlike _you._ ”

“Because I broke in here to rob you…” The guy looked around, shaking his head. “But… shit, dude, you’ve got nothing. Like, you need some help. You know what, wait here, I’ll just…”

He started walking toward Louis. Louis stumbled back out of the doorway, alarmed, until his back hit the wall of the hallway outside. The man kept coming, and Louis’ heart was pounding when the man’s arm came up to –

– to clap Louis reassuringly on the shoulder?

“You wait here, I’ll be back in a few, okay?”

The guy looked earnestly into Louis’ face. Up close, Louis could see that his eyes were green, and this guy should be walking a catwalk somewhere, not burglarizing homes in a sketchy part of town.

And then he left.

Louis stared after him in a daze until his mind registered a distant yelling sound, and he realized that it was his mobile. “Oh, shit, Niall, sorry,” he said quickly as he raised the phone to his ear.

“What just happened?! Did that guy seriously just leave?”

“Yeah, it was so weird,” Louis babbled. “He said he was coming back? Like he was going to bring me stuff? What the hell? This doesn’t make any sense.”

“Okay, I’m coming over,” Niall said. “Or should we call the cops? I’m seriously worried for your safety here, mate. This guy tries to rob you and you don’t have anything, maybe now he’s angry and he’s going to get some guys to beat you up or something.”

Louis laughed. “He didn’t seem mad, he just seemed, like, appalled. I think he felt bad for me? I don’t know about calling the police…” Louis shrugged. “I mean, he did break in, but he didn’t take anything… Like, no harm no foul?”

“You’re crazy. I’m coming over. Don’t get murdered before I get there.”

“Fine.” Louis rolled his eyes.

Niall was there within half an hour. “Are you still alive?” he yelled as he clomped down the hall.

“Yes,” Louis laughed, letting Niall in. “My mysterious beautiful burglar hasn’t come back yet.”

Niall raised his eyebrows. “Beautiful?”

“Oh my god,” Louis sighed, “he was gorgeous. The most attractive man I’ve ever seen, honestly. If he hadn’t been robbing my flat, I would’ve asked him out.”

“You’re a fucking lunatic,” Niall said flatly. “How do you even notice that? How is your brain not just completely like oh my god I’m being robbed I’m gonna die?”

“I mean, I was terrified at first, but then I realized he wasn’t gonna murder me and then I realized that he was ridiculously good-looking. I don’t know what else you want me to say.”

“Huh. So will you ask him out if he comes back?”

Louis snorted. “I really don’t think he’s coming back. Why on Earth would he do that?”

“Why would you have the hots for your burglar? The world is weird, Tommo. Okay, well, I’m sticking around for a while anyway. Oh, I just saw this really funny YouTube video, lemme show you…”

They sat around watching stupid videos for over an hour. Louis was seriously starting to wonder whether he should call in sick from work to see what would happen, or just give up and go in for his shift, when there was a knock at the door.

Louis and Niall both started up from where they were huddled in Louis’ blanket-nest. “Who is it?” Louis yelled, standing up.

“It’s, uh, me? From earlier?” a muffled voice calls through the door.

A strange tingle ran over Louis’ body. The man spoke slowly, much more slowly than before, words dripping out like honey. “Even his voice is sexy, that’s so rude,” he hissed to Niall.

“I don’t want to hear that shit,” Niall snapped back in a whisper, moving to stand by him. “I don’t think you should let him in.”

“We brought you some stuff,” the guy called.

“Are you kidding me?” Louis laughed. “Sorry, Ni, I have to see this.”

When he opened the door, he saw Hot Burglar standing there, holding a chair in each hand.

“You weren’t kidding,” Louis said, stunned.

Hot Burglar grinned, and oh no, he had dimples. “Yeah, my mates have some more stuff, they’ll be up in a sec. Can I come in?”

“I… guess?” Louis stepped back, leaving space for Hot Burglar to step inside.

“I can take the crate when I leave, unless you really want to keep it,” Hot Burglar said, setting the chairs down by the wall. Louis stared at the chairs in amazement. They were simple wooden things, a bit dinged up, but they felt sturdy when he gave one an experimental shake.

He poked his head out into the hallway and waved his arm. Moments later, two other young men came into the room, both with hats pulled down low over their eyes. One was carrying a folding table and a small bookshelf, and the other had a small TV under one arm and several cushions under the other. They quickly set their things down, the taller man arranging the cushions on the chairs, and then slipped out of the room without a word.

“I figured, everyone needs a TV, right?” Hot Burglar said. “Sorry it’s not much, but it’s a lot better than what you had, so… I might’ve gotten you a bed too, but I dunno if it’ll work out. Give me a couple days, though.”

Louis put a hand over his mouth and looked around at all the stuff. It wasn’t much, yeah, but at the same time it was so, so much.

“I can’t believe you really came back,” Niall said, and started giggling. “Why the hell would you come back? You realize you just did the opposite of burglarizing someone? This was, like, a reverse burglary. That’s amazing.”

Hot Burglar shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “I mean, a person can’t just live like this.”

“I’ve been living like this for months. It’s okay,” Louis muttered defensively.

Hot Burglar just shook his head.

“Why are you robbing people if you’re this nice?” Niall demanded.

Hot Burglar bit his lip. “I thought I’d steal from, like, bad people.”

Niall turned to Louis and abruptly asked, “So are you gonna ask him out?” as if Hot Burglar weren’t even there. Hot Burglar raised his eyebrows, and a loud shout of a laugh burst out of him.

“Jesus, Niall!” Louis punched Niall in the arm.

“Ow.” Niall rubbed at his arm. “I mean, he seems nice, and I’m straight but objectively I can say he is pretty good-looking, but I don’t think you should date a criminal.”

“I’m standing right here,” Hot Burglar pointed out, mellow and slow.

“But you’d date him, right?” Niall suddenly turned to Hot Burglar and pointed to Louis. “He’s a catch.”

Wrinkling his nose, Hot Burglar said, “He literally lives in a slum.”

“Only because he sends all his money home to his mum and sisters,” Niall answered, slinging an arm around Louis’ shoulder and patting him on the chest.

Louis had never seen someone melt at another person’s words, but he was pretty sure that happened. Hot Burglar’s shoulders slumped, releasing a tension Louis hadn’t even realized was there, and his expression slipped into something soft and sweet.

“Okay, I’m standing right here too,” Louis interjected, because if he didn’t act like a little shit, he’d probably start blushing or something embarrassing.

“You know what, I’m just gonna leave you two alone for a sec. I need a wee.” Niall patted Louis on the chest again and quickly darted out of the room before Louis could protest.

That left him staring at Hot Burglar, who was biting his lip over a shy smile. “Did you tell him I was good-looking?”

Louis looked down, scuffing his foot against the worn floorboards. “Might’ve done,” he mumbles.

“Well. Thanks. You’re, um, kinda cute yourself,” Hot Burglar said quietly. When Louis dared to glance up at him, he was startled to see a little blush spread over Hot Burglar’s cheeks.

“I really don’t think I can date a professional burglar, though,” Louis added regretfully.

Hot Burglar barked out a laugh. “This was, like, my third time. I don’t know. I’m not very good at it. Maybe I should give up before… you know.”

Louis glanced up at him through the fringe that had fallen over his eyes. “Yeah? Could you? You’re not, like, in debt to the mob or something? Hooked on crack? In a gang?”

“Nah.” Hot Burglar pulls at his lower lip with his fingers, looking thoughtful. “This just seemed easier than… and I have these friends…  But I’m not so sure I’m cut out for it, really. I dunno. I reckon I could do okay… Yeah. I think so.”

Louis grinned, straightening his shoulders as the thought hit him. “So what you’re saying is, I’m just so stunning and wonderful that you’ll give up your sordid life of crime to be with me.”

Hot Burglar starts giggling. _Giggling_ , it’s adorable, and he laughs so long and so helplessly that he has to sink down into one of Louis’ brand-new second-or-more-hand chairs. “Oh my god.” He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. Raising his voice to a giggly falsetto, he said, “Oh, my prince, here to save me from…” He laughed and his voice fell back to its normal register. “I think you’ve got a bit of a saviour complex, don’t you? Your family, now me…”

“Wow, pot to kettle, here.” Louis gestured broadly at the new furniture.

“Ah. Erm, okay, fair point.” Hot Burglar smiled up at him with those lush pink lips, a dimple creasing one cheek. “So… erm, dinner sometime? Shall we spend the last of my ill-gotten gains before I slip back into poverty?”

Louis was fighting a smile but it was clearly a losing battle. “Yeah, that sounds all right. If you’ll actually tell me your name.”

“Oh!” Hot Burglar’s mouth fell open in surprise. He scrambled to his feet and extended a hand with a formality that was perfectly incongruous with his worn clothing and the flat, slightly less dismal than before, in which they stood. “I’m Harry.”

“And I’m Louis.” He beamed. “Nice to meet you.”


End file.
